Stuck!

STUCK!! OK, whats the first thing you think of? being physically unable to move? yea, probably the first thing a lot of people would think of too. Being stuck for me is an emotional feeling, an emotional state of mind that goes far beyond an adjective. Ever felt so stuck within your four walls, within your environment, within the thoughts of your own mind or even worst, within your own skin?.... an unsettling feeling that seems impossible to shake off. Sometimes life has a way of being so overwhelming and over bearing its hard to see past your current situation. Hard to see past the present. "No situation is permanent" is something that has been ringed into me by my sister growing up but how can we ever be sure of whats temporary and whats permanent? there isn't a crystal ball that can give us the answers. At times I am left to wonder if all these sayings and riddles are just made up verbs to get people through the day. Something to hold on to.
  I would like to believe I am very ambitious but being ambitious can also come with a price tag, one I am not so sure I have a bank balance for at times. I have dreams, very big dreams, I read somewhere once "if your dreams don't scare you then they aren't big enough", well I think it is safe to say my dreams come in the largest size available, if I am honest with my self, nothing scares me in life more than my dreams, nothing else keeps me awake at night. I can not speak for anyone else other than myself but as focused as you may be, as hard working as you may be, as many sacrifices you may make for your dreams, there is always a niggling thought as the back of my mind, the thought you aren't allowed to say out loud, the thought that shouldn't come with the "dream promotional pack".... "WHAT IF IT NEVER HAPPENS"... What if it is all in vain,what if you wake up 30 years from now and all your hard work and determination was all for nothing? what then? Like they say, the dream is free but the hustle is sold separately. It is the elephant in the room that is unlikely to be mentioned, it's the norm not to think or speak of it. As a child you are taught hard work pays off but the older you get you learn nothing in life is guaranteed and no one owes you a darn thing. Harsh but true. You read success stories all the time of folks that worked hard their whole lives but didn't becomes successful till very late stages in their lives. For example Vera Wang's career didn't take off till she was 40 and Stan lee's first comic hit was at the age of 39. Again I can only speak for myself but examples like those are my worst nightmare. I am the type of "I know what I want to do with my life and I want it NOW!!" kinda gyal. Do you ever give up on your dreams? and if so when?
 Our minds have been automatically programmed to believe we are supposed to have things in ordered and have our lives figured and mapped out  by a certain age or at a certain stage in our lives. Most people aren't afraid of growing old or older, they are afraid that they haven't achieved what is set out for them by society. Who makes these rules and why do we allow it? What chance do we ever give ourselves if we are constantly running against a scheduled set out not by ourselves but by society. Most of us have a tendency to believe we must have our lives together by 30 and when that seems unobtainable or your greatest aspiration seems so far out of reach against an ever going ticking clock, we start to panic and become overwhelmed with the strain of the pressure of it all.
 Everything is a process, a journey. An example of the top of my head would be travelling. I love travelling,one of my favourite things to do but I hate flying. I suffer from anxiety attacks and on one of my travels I have had my head stuck in a paper bag the whole journey. No pun intended. I hate the planning, looking for flights and hotels, the waiting, airports ( hate airports) checking in, losing luggage or worse having to part ways with items that can't go through airport security and etc, the list is endless but when all that is done you are on the flight and you don't have a clue what lies ahead, you have no idea what is waiting for you on this unknown territory you are about to enter but you still make the journey anyways and most times, you have the best time ever. You learn about new culture, you have time to clear your head, do things and activity that you might never get a chance to do at home but most important, you get to live a little, take risks ( you have no idea what is in that beautiful sea but you get in anyways ( even if you can't swim, guilty) and go outside your comfort zone for a rewarding experience. Life is exactly the same process, the same journey, it may not be as mapped out as booking a holiday but its all a process. I have learned that nothing great ever happens within your comfort zone, take it from someone who has had to psychically drag herself out of her comfort zone (kicking and crying that is). Nothing is guaranteed in life but you owe it to yourself to try. Going back to what I said earlier. I will leave you with this thought. What if you wake up in 30 years time and it has all been in vain? BUT what if you wake up in 30 years time wishing (or better yet, thanking yourself) you started 30 years ago?

                                                     Have a great week guys
                                                                     X

DATING AS IT IS TODAY!

This post is from a view of a mere observer (myself), a mixture of personal experience and what I have witnessed from those around me from friends, family and even mere acquaintance. I think it is safe to say love is not what it used to be. From traditional values being thrown out of the window to commitment becoming less and less valued in our evolving generation, we as people are becoming more and more emotionally uninvolved with one another. We get into a relationship thinking if it doesn't work out there's always more fish in the sea, rather than sticking it out and working through issues. Whilst there are still a small amount of people who still hold commitment with great values, truth is, commitment is just not what it used to be. Relationships end just as soon as they begin and I cant help but wonder why? As a generation we are always in a rush. Everything is in such a fast pace, whilst our priorities have gotten mixed up along the way. Although I don't believe everything should happen in a set order and there's is no right or wrong method to love, I certainly believe building a basic foundation is something that should not be overlooked. Nowadays people are getting intimate with each other without actually knowing one another. Flings, one night stands and casual hooks ups are beginning to take over the idea of actually taking your time and building a life with one another. It goes back to me saying earlier, nobody actually wants to be emotionally invested anymore and casual hook ups are the easier option. People get into relationships without wanting to be emotionally attached and the possibility of being heart broken takes over the fact that something wonderful could eventually happen. We are constantly waiting for something to go wrong instead of thinking something could go right.

While chivalry certainly isn't dead, we must admit to ourselves that it has become increasingly scarce. Men being men and holding the door open or pulling out the chair for you has become so rare that when it does, its astonishing to find such an individual when in actual fact it should be a norm. It makes me wonder why something that should be so basic and fundamental has become so rare? We live in a world where pride has taken over. It isn't that chivalry is dead, it is because men are refusing to look like wimps and softies because of fear of rejection or fears of humiliation from peers. Most men think women don't appreciate an act of chivalry so they chose not to. This is also an issue. why do we do what we are naturally suppose to do in return for recognition? I don't think the problem is that women don't appreciate chivalry, women aren't used to it anymore. We live in a world where feminism is fast taking over and men are forgetting to be men.

One thing that is always niggling away at the back of my mind is why are we so afraid to let things be the way they are suppose to be? Why cant we just go with the flow and let things happen? Through my observations, something that repeatedly comes up over and over is doing a background check. We want to know all about someone before actually getting to know them. In reality it makes no sense but it is something most people do subconsciously. In most cases, before a first date has even happened we know so much about a person from every possible source apart from the actual person. Like the fast track queue at Thorpe park, we want to skip the getting to know each other stage whilst deceiving ourselves thinking we are getting to know each other. Social media also plays a big role in the dating world. We look for clues about a person based on what they post on Instagram or what they tweet and the kind of people they follow, thinking these clues will give us an insight as to who they are. What we fail to realise is social media is only a speck of the actual picture. We have made social media such a big deal in our lives and become so dependent on it, that we forget there is still a big wide world outside those double taps and tweet button or Facebook news feed. Truth is people only show you what they want you to see on social media. People can be anything or anyone they want so why do we take it as gospel? There is a new term in the dating world known as the "CRB". This is doing background research on a person, the same way an employer would for an employee before deciding whether they deserve a chance or not. Doesn't this just defeat the purpose?

There will never be a quick solution to love and dating but I do believe many old traditions need to surface again, If it worked back then, there's no reason why it shouldn't work now. Go on dates, ask more questions, leave social media alone and get rid of the "CRB" and who knows you might just find your Mr Big.

                                                                 XO

The Five Ninety Nine.

OK, so I'm not quite sure if I love this dress more because it a really cute dress or the fact that I paid peanuts for it. Either way I'm not complaining. You know me and my bargain wagging ways always finds the best buys. I bought this dress on eBay for £5.99 *chuckles*. Yes. You read it right. FIVE NINETY NINE. Proof that you can look good without a hefty name tag or brand. I'm all for making your money work for you and this dress is a great example. People are usually bamboozled to how I find these great buys especially on eBay. The trick is in the description. When searching on eBay, first you need patience because there is more tack than gold on the site but if you have the patience you WILL find some gems on it. Secondly I have noticed the trick is to be really specific. It really helps when you know what you're looking for. I knew I wanted a lace dress as one of my dinner looks so I typed in "sexy lace dress". If you simply type in "dress", I'm afraid you''ll be there all night or if you type in "white dress" finding something decent will be like picking a pin out of a haystack. One of my best buys on eBay is a white coat of mine that was being sold in Zara for £129 at the time. I paid £30 for mine on eBay. The EXACT same coat brand new and exact quality. I typed in "Knee length white long sleeve Zara coat", long title, I know but it saved me nearly £100 so it was worth it.

                                                       

Photo Credit : Bola Ososami

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