The Ambitious Woman

I think it is safe to say we have come a long way from the days of women living in the shadows of men. Women being seen as second class citizens. Stay in the kitchen and know your place type days and thank goodness for that. I applaud the women that fought for our right to vote, the women that made a stand and paved the way for all women and the ambitious women out there. The women that refuse to settle for less, the women that refuse to hide in the shadows of men in and out of the workplace. The women that refuse to be defined by their kitchen utensils and their marital status. The word ambition holds a different weight to every individual. Ambition to some is striving to be the managing director of the highest grossing company while ambition to others is simply just being happy. Nothing wrong with either. It is a personal choice. Different folks different strokes.

I was listening to a debate on the radio a few months ago ( can't remember the station so don't quote me) The topic of discussion was why women who are very successful seem to either start motherhood very late in their lives or why some don't have children at all? OK, I have to admit I was highly irritated by the responses coming in and it left me in utter disbelief. The first question I asked myself was "Why is this even a topic of conversation?". Correct me if I am wrong but it is very rare I hear this question being asked of men. Think about it. You see a very successful older man who is single and has no children and he is seen as an eligible bachelor. In the same instance of an older woman who is very successful but isn't married or have any children and the first thing people ask is "Whats wrong with her?". This might be the feminist in me speaking out but it really all goes to show that as a society we still struggle with inequality. One rule for him and another for her. Many people called into this radio show and the debate went on for maybe 30 to 40 minutes at most. I heard all sorts from "maybe her success is a threat to men and that's why she doesn't have children or is not married" to " Maybe she was too focused on her career she put her personal life on a back burner"..... OK I have nothing against the points being made here, they are very valid in their own rights but what struck a nerve in me was that not one person, the callers nor host brought up the fact that maybe SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE MARRIED OR HAVE CHILDREN. It is frustrating that in this specific scenario, personal choice isn't even seen as an option. Brings me back to the point I made earlier. Ambition means different things to different people. One woman might want it all, the career, husband, children and big house package deal while another woman's ambition is to be a housewife/home maker and devote her life to her family and a different woman might just sough after her career. It is all a personal choice. Neither of these women should be looked down on or need to give an explanation for what makes them happy. Not every woman wants to be defined by a marriage certificate nor does every woman dream of being a mother. Oprah is one of the most successful woman in the world and she does not have children and I don't see her as any less of a woman.

A man and a woman's success is measured entirely on different scales. For a man, his success is measured by the size of his bank account, the car he drives and the title planted on his office door. A woman is judged on her marital status, her offspring's and the ability to juggle her work/life balance. It is an expectation of a woman to make sacrifices to have a balance of both work and personal life while a man can have both without any sacrifices. I know some of you are reading this and shaking your heads in disagreement but stay with me, I will explain what I mean. A man can work towards a goal more freely than a woman. This is not me being feminist or bias.  I am stating facts. Men do not have to face the same type of obstacles that woman have to face. Saying that, I am not saying that men don't face obstacle in life but that is not the argument here. One of the biggest obstacles woman have to face is that thing called the biological clock. Women can't afford to leave having children till later in their careers because we are in a constant race with our biological clock. This is a non-factor for men. Men can start a family and still strive in their careers while women have to fight and work harder. A woman can not chose to start a family without her career suffering even with the smallest effects. I have witnessed personally many women being discreetly managed out of the work place because of issues like maternity breaks, child care issues, work/life balance and so forth. Most women who have children always have a constant struggle with how long they take off work to raise or bond with their child before returning to work. Some women fear the longer they stay at home with the children, the more they risk losing their jobs or all their efforts they put into getting that promotion prior to being pregnant, goes down the drain. A lot of women find themselves under immense pressure of losing their jobs so they go back to work before even having the time needed to bond with their child.

I watched an interview with Tyra Banks a few weeks ago. She spoke on her fertility issues and about how she kept on postponing starting a family because of where she was in her career. At 24 she postponed it to 26 because she was at a prominent stage ( can't remember the exact ages she mentioned, again, don't quote me), then she found herself postponing it to further and further because of work commitments and now that she is ready to start a family she is struggling to conceive. As a twenty something year old woman this is one of my biggest fears. I can relate to Tyra, I am at the beginning of my career and the choice I make at this very stage could affect me forever. I am far from ready to start a family because my career is my up most priority. My biological clock is ticking away and I am reminded of that every day from family and friends. Constantly being asked when I will start thinking about children and being told how difficult it is waiting until later to start a family and the complications a later pregnancy entails. How many twenty something year old men do you know having these type of conversations?... my point exactly. The pressure is always directed at the women. A man can have it all without giving anything. Women have to sacrifice a little of something.


                                                         Thanks For Reading
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Be Fearless In Your Pursuit Of Happiness

Photograph by Bola Ososami

 Be Fearless In Your Pursuit Of Happiness

Be Unstoppable, Be Courageous, Be Bigger Than Your Fears

You Owe It to Yourself

Imagine The One Thing Standing In Your Way Does Not Exist

Be Fearless, Be Unapologetic

Start Something That Your Future Self Will Thank You For

Time To Start Planting The Seed For Tomorrow's Harvest

Time To Stop Letting Fear Get In The Way

Fear Is the Unknown, Know The Unknown, Do The Undo able

Self Belief Is the First Step, The Strongest Foundation

Be Inspired By Your Surroundings

Giving Up Is Not An Option

Breathe And Live Success

Speak It Into Existance

Remain Focus, Never Distracted

Only You Know Your Destination

 Don't Wait For Opportunities, Seek And Create Them

Don't Wait For The Door To Open, Build The Door

Knock Down Obstacles Fearlessly

Be Unstoppable, Be Courageous, Be Bigger Than Your Fears

Be Fearless In Your Pursuit Of Happiness.

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IT'S HER BIRTHDAY!!!!!

 

Hey Folks,

So it was indeed my birthday over the weekend and I have decided to blog the pics from  my celebrations ( its just so much more easier for everyone to see the pics). My birthday was on a Saturday (when does that ever happen) so I decided to make the most of it and and have a little party. Was originally suppose to go Thailand for my birthday but that plan went down the drain so decided to have a party and get white girl wasted instead lol. Never really had a party before so it was definitely an experience. Everything went wrong, so wrong before the night, my dress was completely ruined and had to find a dress a day before my birthday (I even contemplated not showing up lool drama queen I know) I was 4 hours late to the party which was not planned ( everyone thought I just wanted to make an entrance) but I am so happy the night made a drastic turn around and ended up having the best night ever. I have to admit, I was so so so drunk, I am staring at these pics and don't even remember posing for half of it lol. Signs of a good night right?